After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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