Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
