We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
how drunk are you?
Several
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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