I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
