I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
