I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
