Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
