do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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