Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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