I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
