If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
