I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
