I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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