They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
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Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
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The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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