I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize