yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
