Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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