I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
