you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
