If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
