i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
