If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
