I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
