also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
