Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
