Ambien. No doubt about it.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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