so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
