was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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