toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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