Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
