Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
40s are totally the cure
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
