I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
