she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
