I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
