But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
