Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
