Joe is yelling at the trees again.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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