Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize