he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Mom said you looked used
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
sex in a hospital.. check
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize