Need sex. Gaining weight.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
