My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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