You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
