Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
