U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just threw up on my dentist
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
