If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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