Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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