I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My day in three words: secret purse cake
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
