Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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