I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
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He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
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Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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