i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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