i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
