Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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