Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
