my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
