so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
