I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
