this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
