3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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