Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
