Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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