dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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