I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
