I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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