When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
