in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
