I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She announced her abortion via fbk
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
