Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
