Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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