Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
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