I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
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