The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
