she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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