A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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