I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
