areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
