It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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